showers and boxes

it's sort of been a little while since i posted last... i guess not that long ago actually. but i'm sure it'll be at least another week [probably more] before i do again. there's so much to do and so little time to do it all.

it's such a relief to know that this year will be over soon, because i feel like it's been absolutely terrible for everyone around me. but at the same time, now that we're down to it, i don't want it to end. or at least, i don't want to leave here just yet. maybe it's the weather, who knows...

and again, on the other hand, i'm so looking forward to being home. it'll be amazing to spend time with lulu again and my brother. anymore i feel like i make resolutions for summers as opposed to new years. it might sound silly, but this summer during the first few weeks i'm home, i want to get to the library in my town and get a library card and try those language tapes to see if i can start learning another language. haha, writing that out makes me feel so silly, but i'd like to do that. my plan is to get the tapes or cds or whatever they are and head to the parks nearby and just sit and draw and listen. i found myself complaining a lot this year of not feeling like i had enough time to draw, or draw for me, or anything like that. and it's my own fault - i just need to get up and get out to do it.

so i'll go home, get my bike fixed, get a library card [damn i'm super cool], and just draw. i'm thinking it'll be pretty sweet. i just feel like i need to start doing little things for myself that are beneficial to me. and realistic. so if anything i'll just be drawing a hell of a lot and not necessarily be poorly learning another language, which i'm ok with too.

i've been in an odd frame of mind the past couple days. i just have so much going through me - so much that i'm thinking and feeling, and i almost feel like my body and mind is having a difficult time processing it all. i don't like it. i'm also full of so much uncertainty over lots of things, and i don't like that either. i hate that. i think the biggest issue is that i'm probably over-analyzing things and reading into things that aren't there. but... i don't think i am. i mean i know that being a girl means that i do that. like... about everything. it's just how we roll [right alissandra?], but i also feel like i have a pretty good intuition, and can almost always be very much aware of when i start to over-analyze. so once again, that leaves me... in limbo. always.

chicken soup and open windows

all of our mugs are in the dishwasher, so i'm drinking my coffee out of an empty jam jar.

kind of makes me giggle.

after getting some sun on sunday [left shoulder is slowly becoming less lobster-like, thankyouverymuch], my scar is ridiculously pronounced. it's making me think i need to work on a killer story for it... however the tiger story sam helped me come up with at the beginning of the semester is still a personal fave.

it's been absolutely phenomenal in baltimore that last few days. the sunshine is doing some good. yesterday evening was particularly fabulous - everything about the air and the dark was perfect. good job, nature. good job.

because it's been so amazing, i left my windows completely open today. yay! my orchid enjoyed sitting on the sill, catching the breeze. i didn't even mind the fact that my room was bordering on uncomfortable in temperature. and i'm pretty picky about my room temp. it was just nice to get things done and work in my room with the sounds and breezes from outside seeping in, mixing with the crooning of steven page and his wacky counterparts. i was actually really surprised at all i got done today. i mean, most of it was running around cleaning and getting errands done, but there was also some illustrating and 4 hours of drawing homework in there too. i still think i'm kind of screwed for one class though.

i've been putting off my work for love in the non western world a lot. like... a lot a lot. partly because i don't really enjoy that class, which is incredibly dissapointing to me, considering that i had been really excited to take it in the first place. and also because i keep prioritizing things above it. i would much rather work on my life drawing or read hamlet, or work on my illustrations than sit down and focus on what i need to focus on for this class, which is a real shame because all the literature for it is amazing. i would love to actually sit down and enjoy pretty much everything that we've been assigned to read for this class, and i'm kicking myself now for not trying harder to make time for all the books [12, mind you...] but at the same time i don't think it ever would have been possible. i think this semester really messed me up/i really messed up my work schedule. it's definitely given me a lot of hindsight.

i really need to work on this final review due thursday... the questions are ridiculously intense... and i want to finish them tonight. possible? no. probably not. am i still going to try? yep. probably much deeper into the early morning than i should. hmm... wish me luck. this will be an interesting evening.

sunburn and hot dogs

today is beautiful.

even with all that is going on or not going on, today is glorious. it's eighty degrees out, and there is not even one cloud in the sky. and i am just so very much in love with the grass and birds right now.

i feel like it's impossible to be upset while you're outside on this sort of day. i'm sure i'm completely wrong, but please, no one burst this bubble of naiveness just yet. let me just bask in it a while longer...

so the previous post - after talking with my sandy pants and working through my ideas, i think i've figured out everything i need to figure out. i guess sometimes all it takes is talking to someone else about what you're feeling, even if you really feel like you just need to fall off the edge of the earth for a while.

oh i also was super lame today and did a mini photoshoot of myself while sitting in my bedroom window. i'm just super cool like that. my pal dan would be quite proud. and angry that i didn't invite him over to be completely ridiculous with me. ohs wells.

so this is probably pointless blog #52, but meh. i'm so content right now. i don't think my body has felt this relaxed in a while, despite my sunburned shoulders.

ahhhhh. i'm just going to continue basking for a bit longer.

bandwagons and conversation hearts

so i finally broke down and decided to make one of these blog things. normally how this goes, is that in a few months i will probably stop writing in this completely, and then months later stumble upon something to do with it and say "ah look at that!" and start posting, and go through the motions of being a blogger again. just putting it out there. but anyway, i mainly wanted to start this sucker up to go into the occasional rant (i'm good at that), post some sketches and art pieces if i'm in the mood and basically just use this the same way i use a sketchbook, with many fun diary-like ramblings. be excited.

so, i made it through another valentine's day. woo! it was actually the first valentine's day since... well since i began having boyfriends actually, that i didn't have "someone" to spend it with. wow. wtf man... i'm weird. well, i'm lucky then that valentine's day doesn't really phase me all that much. my family has always kind of held valentine's day in regards as being a time when you just make any sort of effort to show the people in your life that you're thinking of them, be it significant other, friend, relative, or hell even the mailman if you feel the itch. so on wednesday, i got up and was relieved to discover that my campus had closed due to the ice and snow, and i didn't have to go into work. i walked over to the grocery store and got 3 packs of those conversation hearts and 3 tiny cute fuzzy plush toys (a bear, a puppy and a frog, if you must know) and supplies for chocolate chip pancakes. it was nice to surprise my roommates with it. anastasiya and i decided that i would make a good boyfriend... you know, if i was a boy. or an awesome butch lesbian girlfriend. you know, if i was a butch lesbian. sweet. some of the pancakes became pink after i dumped red sprinkles into the batter, but that excited me so i added more. and i made them into hearts, because i'm a huge dork. i brought some over to my friends alissandra, tyler, justin and sam. i made sure sam got a heart one, mostly to spite him since he was really hating valentine's. i was hoping maybe the pink heart-shaped chocolate mess would make him smile a bit. i think it also helped that i delivered it quite literally by hand. i think he even went beyond his normal stoic non-smile. mission accomplished.

that night the above-mentioned friends and i had a bitterness party, and watched Love Actually. i cried. i loved it. i also went home angsty and promptly updated my facebook staus to "...is a lonely penguin." dammit love. but i really can't complain, considering the fact i spent valentine's with some of my absolute favorite people, and that this is only really the first valentine's that i didn't have a special someone. and anyway, my friend bree asked me to be his valentine for the day, and even if he lives like, 250 miles away, the gesture was nice and i made him a youtube video card thingy. um um um... yeah. since then, there's been a couple all-nighters, lots of work (being school and job related), good conversation, and an average amount of foghorniness..... um check your thesauras for that one and you'll see "angst."

well this became much longer than i guess i initially thought, but that's ok. i'm probably the only one who'll read this thing anyway, if and when i get all contemplative and such. ok, well, good night, sweet dreams, i'm off to make pretty pictures.