showers and boxes

it's sort of been a little while since i posted last... i guess not that long ago actually. but i'm sure it'll be at least another week [probably more] before i do again. there's so much to do and so little time to do it all.

it's such a relief to know that this year will be over soon, because i feel like it's been absolutely terrible for everyone around me. but at the same time, now that we're down to it, i don't want it to end. or at least, i don't want to leave here just yet. maybe it's the weather, who knows...

and again, on the other hand, i'm so looking forward to being home. it'll be amazing to spend time with lulu again and my brother. anymore i feel like i make resolutions for summers as opposed to new years. it might sound silly, but this summer during the first few weeks i'm home, i want to get to the library in my town and get a library card and try those language tapes to see if i can start learning another language. haha, writing that out makes me feel so silly, but i'd like to do that. my plan is to get the tapes or cds or whatever they are and head to the parks nearby and just sit and draw and listen. i found myself complaining a lot this year of not feeling like i had enough time to draw, or draw for me, or anything like that. and it's my own fault - i just need to get up and get out to do it.

so i'll go home, get my bike fixed, get a library card [damn i'm super cool], and just draw. i'm thinking it'll be pretty sweet. i just feel like i need to start doing little things for myself that are beneficial to me. and realistic. so if anything i'll just be drawing a hell of a lot and not necessarily be poorly learning another language, which i'm ok with too.

i've been in an odd frame of mind the past couple days. i just have so much going through me - so much that i'm thinking and feeling, and i almost feel like my body and mind is having a difficult time processing it all. i don't like it. i'm also full of so much uncertainty over lots of things, and i don't like that either. i hate that. i think the biggest issue is that i'm probably over-analyzing things and reading into things that aren't there. but... i don't think i am. i mean i know that being a girl means that i do that. like... about everything. it's just how we roll [right alissandra?], but i also feel like i have a pretty good intuition, and can almost always be very much aware of when i start to over-analyze. so once again, that leaves me... in limbo. always.