skates and cheese steaks

life feels so good. i've never had more on my plate, but felt so balanced and at peace. actually, it's strange, i feel at peace but at the same time have fire bolts rushing through me. in the best possible way, of course...

i'd forgotten what it's like to feel this way. and quite honestly i don't think i've ever felt this way ever before.

i don't even want to write any more about it, because once it leaves my fingertips the rawness leaves me, and i want to share that with him, and him alone.

after i do, then i can share it with everyone else :) or rather, sean and nathan, since i think they're the only ones who sometimes read what i write.

my heart is bursting quietly.

grime and fries

so i was wondering why the employees at the mc d's drive thru were giving me such strange looks. then i realized my laundry bag that i had in the front seat looked a lot like a couple kids shoved in a bag.

moon boots and gesso

vertigo
cookies
kisses
snuggle
sleep
class
scratch
drive
park
fail
laugh
burgers
walk
drink
vows
love
tacos
pictures
search
find
sledding
movie
crepes
coffee
wings
football
dishes
breakfast
benjamin.

blankets and flowers

firstly, my daily doodle


secondly, a chocolate covered strawberry bouquet from the nameth's

and my beautiful irises from benjerman, beginning to bloom (love alliteration)

it was a good day <3

id bracelets and hamachi

i'm back at my mom and dad's from the hospital! still feeling a little light headed - not woozy at all, but.... ok, you know that fun trick where you stand in a doorway and press your arms to the frame of the doorway as hard as you can for about 30 seconds, and when you step away it feels like your arms are floating up? well that's kind of how i feel when i stand up for too long. so i'm keeping my tush in place until further notice :).

mom, papa bear and myself stayed in a holiday inn last that was closer to the hospital. it was only about 45 minutes away from the house but the weather was so awful last night that we didn't want to have to worry about it.

then it was off to the hospital this morning! everyone was so nice there. i hate hate hate needles, and they had to put the iv almost immediately after i got there - my nurses Tara and Carol were wonderful, and we chatted the whole time - Tara laughed at me when Carol walked in the room with all the iv stuff because without really realizing it i took a huuuuge breath in and out. Tara had done all my pre-test stuff the few days before and knew needles aren't exactly my fave so she just burst out, which made me laugh and relax a bit. annny way, that was all good. they put my little i.d. bracelets on, one of which was a bright yellow one...

my brother just fell in love with when he saw it hehe. they're required to put it on everyone in the hospital, but still, it made us both giggle. col says i should where it ar

ound for a few days, just to throw people off. i agree.

so like i said, everyone there was so friendly. when i was rolled into the operating room, i had to wait for the anaesthesiologist. one of my surgeons and 3 of my nurses came out and were talking with me and we got joking and giggling, and then the anaesthesiologist, Steve, came out, which meant we were getting this show on the road. he was very funny, and he pulled out his syringe and assured me it wasn't a shot, it was just going right into the iv. still all giggly, nurse Chris asked if i was ready, and Steve said "You're gonna LOVE this." it hit me pretty quick, and i laughed and said whoa you're not kidding - i had been sitting up (i don't like laying down in hospital beds unless i have to) and decided it was a good time to lean back, which Steve confirmed by laughing and saying "yeah, that's a good idea." i giggled, and the next thing i knew i was waking up in the recovery room, where another nurse was sitting with me reading a magazine. she saw stir and cheerfully said "well hello there!" i smiled, said hi, and fell back to sleep, hehe. when i finally woke up, she was still there, and chuckled. "how are you doing? would you like to try to wake up, and we can take you back to your mom and dad?" i agreed, with a lot of hesitation, because all i wanted to do was go back to sleep, but i talked with her for a little while until i got out of my sleepy, resistant (and very typical sleepy cory) state.

long story short, i'm back, and feeling good. they got the results back immediately and said that it definitely was a fibroadenoma, and i shouldn't have any problems. there's a possibility that i could get another one, but if/when that happens we can reevaluate things and generally just cross the bridge when we come to it, as the old adage goes.

so i feel pretty great right now. so much better compared to the biopsy - i think that's what had me most nervous because recovering after the biopsy, while not too trying, just hurt so bad. i had a lot of pain. and with this, during surgery they inserted a type of numbing, pain med into where the F.A. had been, which is supposed to last for 5 days. sweet!

annnd i'll also be able to start swimming again really soon, and the doctor said it really shouldn't be a problem at all. yay! can't wait.

ok, i suppose that's enough for now. if blogger stops being sassy i'll upload that picture, and also upload a picture of my daily drawing (which has yet to be done, but will be done as part of my NY resolution!)

hugs
peace, and love

foxes

gotta love our lady reds!

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markers and non-cons

i got to work today and yesterday! yay. i think you can't help but love a job where you can crawl around and play with trains, have snack time, and oh yeah make it snow with popcorn. i get to hang out with adorable and unique little people! today i was with the 2-3 year olds, which is fun but tiring! i get tackled like no ones business, but all i had to do to slow em down today was show them the rocket ship watch my parents got me for my birthday (yes, my birthday this year) and how it glows when you press the side button. there was a significant amount of awe. i was the coolest kid on the playground.

tonight i'm going to a basketball game with my dad! we're going to go see the marist girls play - they're incredible. i haven't been to one of their games since middle school, when i played basketball. the tickets were my gift to my dad this christmas, tucked inside a handmade card. good stuff, can't wait! i'm leaving in about 15 minutes. within that 15 minutes though i have to finish this blog up and pack! eep. tomorrow morning is the big show.

should be fine, not too worried, not even going to get into it. :)

so tacked on to my "new experiences" resolution is a creation resolution. i vow to draw or create something each day! very much in the spirit of my friend alissandra, who would do daily mini illustrations which she entitled, appropriately, "dailies."

oh my 15 minutes flew. i get so distracted. bye for now...

pout

josh radin is playing in rochester on the 21st at the water street music hall. i wish so hard to be there. sad panda :(

heartbeats and shoelaces

the way you looked at me
terrified me

you make me nervous
in the best possible way...

i'm so scared of this feeling. i haven't felt anything like this in so long.

is this ok?

the way you looked at me
made me quake

chilled me
made my heart beat in rapid motion

but i would never look away...

i think you could be what i've been missing, and i'm so scared of it.

"i've been looking for you"

we met, and right after hello
you told me, i was the one you wanted to marry.

after a night of conversation and starry eyes
i couldn't shake the thought

"will you still love me tomorrow"

and you did.

oh, you did.

love starved, i had been trying so hard
to find my forever.

and oh

i think i did.

and it has me frozen into contemplation.

[happy new year...]