sunglasses and swingsets

happy moms day to all those groovy moms out there.

my mom is still fast asleep, and my papa bear is downstairs scurrying about in the kitchen... there's a bouquet of roses sitting on her breakfast plate along with a big envelope. my parents are so cute... my dad comes off as being pretty rough around the edges, but it's indescribable the place my mom has in his heart. and the same for goes her.

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momentary gap there - my mom woke up and i went down to have breakfast with her and pops. she opened up her gifts from my dad, and saw the chocolate covered strawberries that my brother made for her in the fridge [he's still passed out on the couch]. she opened up my gift - i had done a little drawing of my brother and i from when we were little. it slipped my mind that she is the crazy weepy type over that type of stuff, so that caught me off guard but it's all good. i was actually pretty pleased with the drawing... well i actually think of it as more of a finished sketch sort of thing... i think i'd like to do something more with it. well... do a more finished piece or something. here it is...




i've been itching to work with wood again too, and have been trying to figure out a way to use it in my illustration process. either way, it was fun to do. it was the first time i had used acrylic in a while, and the first time in a very very long while that i had used it the way i had. it was fun, and i think i need to do more of it.

i had decided that if i couldn't get any art done during the week [and even if i do] that saturday mornings and afternoons will be art time for me. whenever i would come home from breaks in the past, i would very easily and quickly settle into a stagnant state, not doing any work and being super lazy. so far, that has not been the case at all. i haven't done that much art, but i've been busy. i got home tuesday afternoon after a whirlwind of a moving job in baltimore, and started working at the daycare wednesday, doing a double shift, then working thursday and friday as well. i'm working 3 days this upcoming week, too. i've also been trying to be a better friend and actually hang out with the people here. that's another thing i would find myself doing - i'd get home, and just want to shut myself off from everyone and forget that i could even have fun with them, then the last week i would be around town i'd realize i had promised all these people i would spend time with them, and would try to play catch up with my last few days, and that would just get me frazzled. so, thursday after work and all that i went to eighties night a few towns over with my friends dave and jason, and that was pretty fun. they're crazy... i had hoped laur would come too but she had lots going on already, but we might go next week. woo hoo! friday night i did actually get to hang out with lulu - we both got off work at the same time, and she came over for dinner, and then we went for some icecream and picked up a couple movies to watch [failure to launch and deja vu], which was stellar. then yesterday, dave came over in the afternoon and we drew for a little while. i did an awful drawing of him... it was the first arty thing i had done since i'd been back, and sweet bajeesus was it bad, haha...


it looked better before i decided to play with my little kids pastels on it... ohs wells. later i did the drawing for my mom, and that was better, so there ya go.

long story short -

it's been excellent being home. i miss baltimore... or rather, i miss my friends in baltimore/mica, and parts of the city. and i'm really pretty sad i'm missing tyler's commencement... i'm trying not to think about it too much. i miss you guys.

but i'm also happy being home for a little while. and it's nice keeping busy here. i'm not a fan of some of the middle school drama i've come home to, but at least it's not my drama - just stuff i end up hearing about a lot. again - ohs wells. i also really love my job at the daycare, working with the 3+4 year olds. they're my favorites. they don't have an attitude yet, which is nice... but they still have a personality.

and although i shouldn't, out of my kids i do have a favorite. his name is joey, and he's almost 4. we were on the swings thursday, and he started talking to me about death. he's recently grasped the concept, because his dad's dog died not too long ago i guess. joey started talking about dying, and he was getting so choked up... he was talking about how one day he was going to get old, old like his dad, and older, and that his dad would die, and then he would die. he stopped swinging, and looked straight in my eyes with the saddest, most concerned look on his face. he said "when i die, if i get really sick and die, will you pray for me?"

i just looked at him for a second, but said yes of course i would - but that that was something he wouldn't have to worry about for a long long time. i said to him he was healthy as a horse, and that he didn't need to think about that. he calmed down a bit, but continued talking for a little while, talking about, and also asking at the same time, about how everyone would die at some point. i said that yeah, at some point everyone does die. but that that's why we have to love our friends and family and have fun with them and take care of yourself and others.

it was really interesting, because here is this 4 year old boy trying to grasp the meaning of life and death, and talking about it so openly and being brutally honest, and completely raw - and i just wanted to give the same back to him, but it was also so difficult to tread the line of how much to say or what should be said, and also how to say it - even though he's obviously a smart kid, he's still 4, and although i by no means talk down to kids [i try to talk to them like people - they understand so much more than some people give them credit for], i still had to really think about the way i said or phrased things so that he could understand. it really forced me to try to simplify what can easily be, and is, a complex thing. that's just been something on my mind for a while.... all of it.

he's an amazing little guy. his favorite song is "raindrops keep falling on my head."

he always sings this part -

raindrops keep falling on my head - but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red. crying's not for me cause - i'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining, because i'm free - nothing's worrying me.

he's been singing that since i first met him last summer.

mashed potatoes and my weeping yogi

so in light of summer, and in addition to my summer resolutions, i've decided that i will no longer publish a blog unless i draw something to publish with it. i figure this does two things - for one, it will cut down on a lot of lame stuff that really doesn't need to be published [that's what my video diary is for] and for two, it will make me draw more. both of those are wonderful, wonderful things. and if i break this new rule of mine i give anyone who catches it permission to smite me. however tyler's zeus character has first dibs, because that'd just be friggin hilarious. but only as long as his "smote" speech bubble pops up after wards.

so, from now on, every blog will have a drawing to go with it, most likely related to whatever i'm talking about. no matter how good or bad it is. each one could take me 5 minutes to 5 hours, who knows. the one i'm posting today is a quick 5 minute drawing i did on a post-it note. it's of my little weeping yogi figurine made of wood. my weeping yogi is one of my favorite posessions. it's about an inch tall, and is a carved figure sitting crossed legged with his head buried in his hands. my mom got one years ago for our home in ny - he sits quietly on a shelf off to the side of the living room. mine, well currently he's sitting next to my laptop, but normally he was sitting in one of my box shelves hanging on the wall in my room here. i've been slowly packing things up, and sorting through what will stay here in baltimore, and what will be coming back with me. the yogi, of course, is coming with me. the story behind the weeping yogi is that they are supposed to draw away any sorrows or heaviness in your heart. these little figures are made to carry the burdens and weights of you, so that you don't have to. i think that this very idea is what makes me cherish my own personal one so much. being so small, i often forget that he's even there. the same i believe goes for the one in my home in ny. each time i rediscover him, it just warms my heart and fills it with compassion and joy. each time i realize it's there, i pick him and hold him warmly and firmly in my hand, usually close to my heart. it amazes me what something so small can do.



and that's all.

showers and boxes

it's sort of been a little while since i posted last... i guess not that long ago actually. but i'm sure it'll be at least another week [probably more] before i do again. there's so much to do and so little time to do it all.

it's such a relief to know that this year will be over soon, because i feel like it's been absolutely terrible for everyone around me. but at the same time, now that we're down to it, i don't want it to end. or at least, i don't want to leave here just yet. maybe it's the weather, who knows...

and again, on the other hand, i'm so looking forward to being home. it'll be amazing to spend time with lulu again and my brother. anymore i feel like i make resolutions for summers as opposed to new years. it might sound silly, but this summer during the first few weeks i'm home, i want to get to the library in my town and get a library card and try those language tapes to see if i can start learning another language. haha, writing that out makes me feel so silly, but i'd like to do that. my plan is to get the tapes or cds or whatever they are and head to the parks nearby and just sit and draw and listen. i found myself complaining a lot this year of not feeling like i had enough time to draw, or draw for me, or anything like that. and it's my own fault - i just need to get up and get out to do it.

so i'll go home, get my bike fixed, get a library card [damn i'm super cool], and just draw. i'm thinking it'll be pretty sweet. i just feel like i need to start doing little things for myself that are beneficial to me. and realistic. so if anything i'll just be drawing a hell of a lot and not necessarily be poorly learning another language, which i'm ok with too.

i've been in an odd frame of mind the past couple days. i just have so much going through me - so much that i'm thinking and feeling, and i almost feel like my body and mind is having a difficult time processing it all. i don't like it. i'm also full of so much uncertainty over lots of things, and i don't like that either. i hate that. i think the biggest issue is that i'm probably over-analyzing things and reading into things that aren't there. but... i don't think i am. i mean i know that being a girl means that i do that. like... about everything. it's just how we roll [right alissandra?], but i also feel like i have a pretty good intuition, and can almost always be very much aware of when i start to over-analyze. so once again, that leaves me... in limbo. always.